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*POLY* Article
Mar. 22nd, 2013 12:37 amWhat does a man have to do to get a fucking cookie around here!?!?!”
~ Li during his controversial acceptance speech at the NRTV Awards
LI SHENSHUNG: The Rise & Fall of a Star
Li, at the height of his fame, voted "Bishie of the Year" by People 'r' Stupid Magazine, 2003.
Early Childhood
As an infant, Li was abandoned by his parents, who were horrified by the boy's deformity -- a monstrous set of humps on his collarbones. Raised in secrecy by nuns who constantly beat him with frozen hot dogs and jumbo shrimp, Li would later contribute to the Black Eyed Peas' hit single "My Humps," an anthem about living with his hideous deformity.
Throughout his difficult childhood Li polished various talents, such as eating, circus acrobatics, eating, playing musical instruments, eating, martial arts, eating, stand-up comedy, and eating. Also eating. "I would also often practice to dance, while eating a long loaf of French bread I used as a stripper pole," admitted Shenshung.
Performing on street corners and living off 'tiny scraps' stolen from food vendors, Li would eventually earn enough money for a humpectomy at 15. The former freak of nature then had collarbones so beautiful his parents were happy to accept him into their family. "I at first thought my dad was a hobo," Li recalls in his initial meeting with him in a 2003 issue of Maxim Magazine.
Rocketing to Fame in The Black Glutton
At 18, he was "discovered" by a Hollywood exec in a stand-up comedy bar, where Li's barely functional sense of humor tickled the exec's fancy. He was approached after his set, and the shy teenager was soon destined for Reality TV stardom.
Marketing executives for franchises such as McDoness and Pitza Hut, even those who weren't hammered, realized they had a chance to revitalize their brand via advertisements not-so-subtly placed in the series.
An example of the "well-placed" ads that fans came to associate with the The Black Glutton.
The caption says it all.
LOLICON?
In 2010 Li met a teenaged girl named Suou Pavlichenko, a trust-fund baby linked with socialites such as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. The relationship escalated, and soon they found themselves in a bizarre Lolita-esque love affair. Li, completely out of work and unable to land any roles in ads or sitcoms, had a lot of free time on his hands. He spent his nights out partying with Suou, and his days sleeping off hangovers. It wasn't long before the couple's relationship began to disintegrate. In June of 2011 Hei attacked Suou in a drunken rage with a curling iron for not baking him cookies, screaming "Bake ya bitch, bake!!" Fortunately, Suou only received minor burns. Nevertheless, she decided that Li was too unstable and ended the fling.
Li and his young girlfriend, who was rumored to be 13 rather than the reported 18!!!
DOWNFALL
Li spent the next few years "under the radar." In reality, he was now a hobo like his dad, living under bridges and cardboard boxes. He found himself drifting from place to place, eventually ending up at the West Coast -- in one of the vilest snake pits known to humankind: Jersey Shore. To this day, Li resides there in a tiny flat shared with six other roommates, all has-beens or ex-junkies. Sometimes, on quiet nights you can see him cosplaying as Pikachu, either the result of a drunken stupor, or a pitiful attempt to relive his glory days in The Black Glutton.
The price Li paid for stardom.
~ Li during his controversial acceptance speech at the NRTV Awards
LI SHENSHUNG: The Rise & Fall of a Star
Li, at the height of his fame, voted "Bishie of the Year" by People 'r' Stupid Magazine, 2003.
Early Childhood
As an infant, Li was abandoned by his parents, who were horrified by the boy's deformity -- a monstrous set of humps on his collarbones. Raised in secrecy by nuns who constantly beat him with frozen hot dogs and jumbo shrimp, Li would later contribute to the Black Eyed Peas' hit single "My Humps," an anthem about living with his hideous deformity.
Throughout his difficult childhood Li polished various talents, such as eating, circus acrobatics, eating, playing musical instruments, eating, martial arts, eating, stand-up comedy, and eating. Also eating. "I would also often practice to dance, while eating a long loaf of French bread I used as a stripper pole," admitted Shenshung.
Performing on street corners and living off 'tiny scraps' stolen from food vendors, Li would eventually earn enough money for a humpectomy at 15. The former freak of nature then had collarbones so beautiful his parents were happy to accept him into their family. "I at first thought my dad was a hobo," Li recalls in his initial meeting with him in a 2003 issue of Maxim Magazine.
Rocketing to Fame in The Black Glutton
At 18, he was "discovered" by a Hollywood exec in a stand-up comedy bar, where Li's barely functional sense of humor tickled the exec's fancy. He was approached after his set, and the shy teenager was soon destined for Reality TV stardom.
Marketing executives for franchises such as McDoness and Pitza Hut, even those who weren't hammered, realized they had a chance to revitalize their brand via advertisements not-so-subtly placed in the series.
An example of the "well-placed" ads that fans came to associate with the The Black Glutton.
However Li's pilot episode tested poorly, and he was almost let go before execs discovered audiences adored him in a scene where he was being cruelly tortured by underaged girls for cosplaying as Pikachu. The Black Glutton premiered in 2002 to raving reviews, and launched Li into instant stardom.
Critics and fans alike embraced the quirky series revolving around a student and his often volatile relationship with the mafia, food, preteen hookers, and talking cats. Episodes such as "You Want The Cookie? You Can't Handle The Cookie!," which alluded to Li's obsession with cookie dough, "You'll Get So Fat By 30," which spoke about Li's enormous appetite and freakishly high metabolism, and "Lolita!," a comic musical about underage hookers and Pikachu costumes, were embraced as classics.
TeeVo Guide took a particular shine to the show, praising it as a "wonderfully confusing cesspool of genre-butchery and gaping plot holes."
Li arriving at the NRTV Awards, where his profanity-laden acceptance speech sparked both controversy and memes.
Romance
It was during this time that Li began dating his co-star, Amber, and a Hollywood romance rivaling that of Ike and Tina's was born. The couple went through several stormy break-ups and reconciliations. They were married in the summer of 2003 and were voted as People 'r' Stupid Magazine's "Hottest Couple Of the Year."
But behind the glamour, all was not well. In 2004, Hei developed an alcohol problem in tandem with weight issues. Both his family and agents tried to cover it up, not wanting to ruin his image. However, by the time 2005 rolled around, Li was no longer the lovable goof who'd climb cheerfully in through your window and raid your fridge. He was a raging drunk with a nasty backhand. Soon, Li began to lash out at Amber, and during one rampage the paparazzi photographed him pulling a Chris Brown.
Images that shocked Li's fans worldwide.
When asked what caused this terrible burst of aggression, Li replied, "... I think she was trying to steal my cookies." In 2006 Amber, fed-up with Li's constant abuse, filed for divorce. Li was tight-lipped about the split, but with increased media pressure, finally admitted in an interview. "Marriage sucks. You think you want to be with someone forever, but then you're like... meh."
Li during The Black Glutton's wrap party. As time passed, he'd shed his pounds, but sadly never regain his stardom.
Critics and fans alike embraced the quirky series revolving around a student and his often volatile relationship with the mafia, food, preteen hookers, and talking cats. Episodes such as "You Want The Cookie? You Can't Handle The Cookie!," which alluded to Li's obsession with cookie dough, "You'll Get So Fat By 30," which spoke about Li's enormous appetite and freakishly high metabolism, and "Lolita!," a comic musical about underage hookers and Pikachu costumes, were embraced as classics.
TeeVo Guide took a particular shine to the show, praising it as a "wonderfully confusing cesspool of genre-butchery and gaping plot holes."
Li arriving at the NRTV Awards, where his profanity-laden acceptance speech sparked both controversy and memes.
Romance
It was during this time that Li began dating his co-star, Amber, and a Hollywood romance rivaling that of Ike and Tina's was born. The couple went through several stormy break-ups and reconciliations. They were married in the summer of 2003 and were voted as People 'r' Stupid Magazine's "Hottest Couple Of the Year."
But behind the glamour, all was not well. In 2004, Hei developed an alcohol problem in tandem with weight issues. Both his family and agents tried to cover it up, not wanting to ruin his image. However, by the time 2005 rolled around, Li was no longer the lovable goof who'd climb cheerfully in through your window and raid your fridge. He was a raging drunk with a nasty backhand. Soon, Li began to lash out at Amber, and during one rampage the paparazzi photographed him pulling a Chris Brown.
Images that shocked Li's fans worldwide.
When asked what caused this terrible burst of aggression, Li replied, "... I think she was trying to steal my cookies." In 2006 Amber, fed-up with Li's constant abuse, filed for divorce. Li was tight-lipped about the split, but with increased media pressure, finally admitted in an interview. "Marriage sucks. You think you want to be with someone forever, but then you're like... meh."
Weight Problems, Drug Abuse & Alcoholism
By 2007 it was evident that Li was caught in a downward spiral. His excessive weight and alcoholism earned him backlash from fans and critics. He was trolled mercilessly by paparazzi, and during one incident, allegedly beat a photographer unconscious with a frozen bluefish tuna. Or by sitting on him. The incident was never completely cleared up.
Meanwhile, after a drastic fall in ratings, executives dropped The Black Glutton. The network Up Yours was quick to pick up the series in time for a final episode. Despite its lukewarm reception, it was bittersweet for all involved. In it, Li finally graduates and opens his own restaurant, running it in tandem with an illegal cat-fighting ring that has ties to the Mafia.
By 2007 it was evident that Li was caught in a downward spiral. His excessive weight and alcoholism earned him backlash from fans and critics. He was trolled mercilessly by paparazzi, and during one incident, allegedly beat a photographer unconscious with a frozen bluefish tuna. Or by sitting on him. The incident was never completely cleared up.
Meanwhile, after a drastic fall in ratings, executives dropped The Black Glutton. The network Up Yours was quick to pick up the series in time for a final episode. Despite its lukewarm reception, it was bittersweet for all involved. In it, Li finally graduates and opens his own restaurant, running it in tandem with an illegal cat-fighting ring that has ties to the Mafia.
Li during The Black Glutton's wrap party. As time passed, he'd shed his pounds, but sadly never regain his stardom.
After a bout of depression, during which time he became a hooker for a host of B-List Hollywood clients, Li made numerous suicide attempts, all involving cookies in some shape or form. He also almost succumbed to his various issues which ranged from cookie-robbery to crushing people to death, before he finally won the battle with his weight.
His drug usage also led him to hallucinate that his ex-wife, Amber, was conspiring to poison him with the cheesecakes she'd send him periodically as a sign of forgiveness. This is rumored to have led to her brutal murder at her Beverly Hills home in 2008.
His drug usage also led him to hallucinate that his ex-wife, Amber, was conspiring to poison him with the cheesecakes she'd send him periodically as a sign of forgiveness. This is rumored to have led to her brutal murder at her Beverly Hills home in 2008.
The caption says it all.
LOLICON?
In 2010 Li met a teenaged girl named Suou Pavlichenko, a trust-fund baby linked with socialites such as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. The relationship escalated, and soon they found themselves in a bizarre Lolita-esque love affair. Li, completely out of work and unable to land any roles in ads or sitcoms, had a lot of free time on his hands. He spent his nights out partying with Suou, and his days sleeping off hangovers. It wasn't long before the couple's relationship began to disintegrate. In June of 2011 Hei attacked Suou in a drunken rage with a curling iron for not baking him cookies, screaming "Bake ya bitch, bake!!" Fortunately, Suou only received minor burns. Nevertheless, she decided that Li was too unstable and ended the fling.
Li and his young girlfriend, who was rumored to be 13 rather than the reported 18!!!
DOWNFALL
Li spent the next few years "under the radar." In reality, he was now a hobo like his dad, living under bridges and cardboard boxes. He found himself drifting from place to place, eventually ending up at the West Coast -- in one of the vilest snake pits known to humankind: Jersey Shore. To this day, Li resides there in a tiny flat shared with six other roommates, all has-beens or ex-junkies. Sometimes, on quiet nights you can see him cosplaying as Pikachu, either the result of a drunken stupor, or a pitiful attempt to relive his glory days in The Black Glutton.
The price Li paid for stardom.
